All Black Tamaiti Williams opens up on anxiety and fatherhood

All Blacks prop Tamaiti Williams is opening up about his anxiety after his partner’s difficult pregnancy and the premature birth of his now 15-month-old daughter, Kaea.

Williams found out his wife, Alice Weir, was pregnant in 2023, at the end of the Rugby World Cup. However, 20 weeks later a scan revealed Weir had pre-eclampsia, which can affect the mother's organs and the way the baby grows.

“For me, as the man of the house, it was really tough to go through but also I learnt a lot like how to support my partner and my baby and our families as well. The unknown is how I’d explain where the anxiety comes from, [going to] the hospital every day, not sure if you’re going to go to good news or bad news.”

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When Kaea was born three months early, it was “very touch and go” and her survival rates were slim, Williams told Nine to Noon.

With Weir also unwell during that time, Williams felt helpless. It was his faith that became the cornerstone, he says.

“One thing I realised is we weren’t the only people going through it. The reality is the NICU [Newborn Intensive Care Unit] in New Zealand and across the world is full every day. There’s families going through it right now, there’ll be families going through it tomorrow.

“I guess for me and Alice we just kind of think what can we do to help these families that are going through this hardship, and we thought just talking about it and putting it out there that we are here to help.”

A hamstring injury meant he could park his career and focus on his partner and baby for a while until he had to go overseas for the All Blacks tour.

“When we got over there, I realised how far away I was from home. I guess the different anxiety I had was ‘is Alice coping with the baby at home by herself?’ It was kind of another sense of [helplessness].

“It caught me off-guard but like I said in the past, I was so lucky to have older players in the All Blacks that I could really lean on and ask for a bit of help or just get some advice on how I can deal with things, because some of these men have been playing for the All Blacks for 10-plus years and they’ve all got kids, so it was really empowering for me to lean on some of my mates and reach out.”

While he was training and performing well, it was when he was by himself that he would get lost in thoughts and worry, he says. A simple check-in from his fellow players “worked wonders”.

“That’s the hardest part, sometimes you don’t realise you could be feeling a bit off but if your mate sees it, just a simple question like that can spark a conversation and there’s a lot of healing and talking.”

When times get tough, he reflects on his dream as a 10-year-old.

“This was my dream. Yes, there’s hard days and some days are harder than others but, ultimately, I’m living my dream, and I’ve got a wife, I’ve got a loving family and I’ve got a daughter so if you put it into perspective, it’s not actually that hard.”

Looking after his physical form is one thing but it’s taking care of his hauora helps him be a good dad, he says.

“It’s okay to be sad, we’re not going to sugarcoat it, it’s hard and there are days that are going to be long and feel like they never stop, but for me I had a good support crew and a strong faith. So whatever that is for you, that’s all that matters.”