Australian podcaster's viral clip sparks discussion about traditional gender norms

An Australian podcaster's desire for a partner who does not "complain" after work and instead offers "peace and love" to support his ambitions has sparked discussions about the resurgence of traditional gender norms.

The viral clip from The Pocket with Chris Griffin, which has amassed more than 1.4 million views and attracted thousands of comments, shows the host saying he would not want his partner "working unless she wants to work" because he does not want to come home to "complaining".

Instead, he says, he wants his partner's eyes to "light up with excitement" and he encourages "hot girl walks" so his partner can cultivate "feminine energy".

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"It's the peace and love that a man that's got a busy life [and] that's chasing his dreams needs when he's trying to wind down," he added.

Experts say Griffin's view reflects a growing trend among young men to return to traditional gender norms.

But, speaking to the ABC, Griffin suggested people who were rejecting these norms were going "against their biology".

His views have sparked a backlash from viewers online. Among the critics is Kic CEO Laura Henshaw, who has addressed the clip on her social media accounts and the KICPOD podcast.

Henshaw told the ABC she was particularly concerned about how the video was packaged in an aspirational way, as if it was "a caring and loving message when it's actually not at all".

She argued that the crescendo-building piano soundtrack, motivational framing and polished studio setting and editing masked harmful content.

Some experts describe this kind of framing as "benevolent sexism".

Social psychologists have defined benevolent sexism as attitudes toward women that appear positive or well-meaning on the surface but ultimately suggest that women are inferior to men, often by portraying them as fragile, less competent, or in need of protection.

Deakin University psychology lecturer Beatrice Alba says benevolent sexism can take many forms, including:

Patronising behaviour disguised as support — for example, mansplaining

Assuming women are weak and framing men's role as protectors

Encouraging traditional gender roles, presented as the idea that women are "natural nurturers"

Doubting women's competence in the workplace and giving difficult tasks to men based on the assumption they are more capable

Believing that many women possess a unique quality of purity that few men have

"Benevolent sexism is kind of like old-fashioned chivalry," Dr Alba told the ABC.

"It's this belief that women and men are inherently different by nature — that women are softer and more emotional, more suited to nurturing roles, and that men are stronger and should protect and provide for women."

The viral clip appears to echo this dynamic by casting men as providers who keep the finances "sorted", while women are expected to be emotional caretakers, offering "peace and love" to support her partner's ambitions.

"Imagine wanting to work so hard so you can give your partner safety and freedom of choice, just to be labelled toxic and misogynistic. I don't agree," Griffin said in a response posted online.

Speaking to the ABC, he rejected the idea that traditional gender norms were inherently unequal.

"The problem lies with societal norms suggesting [traditional gender roles are] toxic, which creates confusion, resulting in people feeling the need to go against their biology," he said.

He argued moving away from traditional gender roles was often praised as "progressive" but the label was misleading because there was "no substance behind that label to suggest it is actually beneficial for society".

Research suggests that women exposed to benevolent sexism allow men to tell them what they can and cannot do, feel less competent, and increasingly accept hostile sexism.

Dr Alba said benevolent sexism could be difficult to spot because it sounded "superficially positive … like men being generous towards women in wanting to care for them and to provide for them".

Evita March, an associate professor at Federation University, agreed, saying benevolent sexism sought to foster dependence under the guise of support.

"Viewing women in that benevolent way still reduces them to being objectified because they're perceived as unable to be this individual who takes care of themselves," Dr March said.

In an Instagram comment directed at Laura Henshaw, Griffin defended his stance and said: "This isn't about control. It's about choice. If she wants to chase a career, I'll back her 100%. If she wants to stay home, I'll support that too. That's what freedom in a relationship should look like."

Dr Alba said this applied a standard to women that was not typically applied to men.

"Like why not just flip it around and say to this guy, well why don't you quit your job and stay at home and be happy?"

"There's something inherently condescending about thinking that a woman is somehow less suited to [work] than a man … Don't you think I'm capable of being someone who has a challenging job and, just like you, when I come home from work, I want to debrief about the challenges I had?" she added.

Though his video has faced a backlash online, Griffin's words echo a broader sentiment among young men.

Research from the e61 Institute found that gen Z men were more likely to hold traditional gender beliefs than older men.

On average, men aged 15-24 had a greater belief in traditional gender norms than men aged 25-34 and 35-44.

At the same time, women of the same age are far less traditional, creating a noticeable divergence between young men and women.

According to Dr March, the shift can be partly explained by disenfranchisement and a growing sense of confusion among young men about what it means to be a man.

This uncertainty is driving many men to seek out the manosphere — a sprawling network of online men's communities that often blur the line between self-help and sexism.

Griffin argued traditional masculine traits were being unfairly vilified.

"Strength is called toxic, leadership is seen as oppressive, masculinity itself is treated like a problem to be fixed rather than a virtue to be honed," he told the ABC.

"And in the chaos, men are becoming weaker, lonelier, and more uncertain of their place in the world."

A report by Movember found that young men who regularly engaged with content from masculinity influencers reported feeling far more positive than negative emotional outcomes.

Forty-three per cent said the content made them feel motivated, while 44 per cent reported a stronger sense of purpose.

But alongside these emotional benefits, the report revealed a troubling pattern in attitudes towards women:

"The most insidious parts of the manosphere is that it actually does present itself as empowerment for men … but if you start scratching deeper, you start seeing all of this problematic messaging that is covered by a layer of self-improvement," Dr March said.

She also warned that the manosphere placed heavy and damaging expectations on men themselves.

"What I really want to emphasise is that this manospherish rhetoric, including the idea that men must always be providers and supporters, puts enormous pressure on men," Dr March said.

"When you talk about these potential negative aspects of the manosphere, some men are really reluctant to come to the party and admit that because they say, 'Well, no. It's really helped me.'"

These conversations about the resurgence of traditional gender norms hit home for Henshaw.

She recalled how her mother took extended time off work to raise her and her sisters.

After her parents separated, her mother faced the challenge of rebuilding her financial independence.

"We have a fridge magnet that says, 'A man is not a financial plan,'" Henshaw said.

She said she was grateful to have grown up with that understanding because "there's no way I would be where I am now without it".

Today, Henshaw is the CEO of hugely successful business empire Kic and she has recently used her platform to raise awareness of how women can be at risk of financial abuse and vulnerability.

"I just think if you haven't experienced it or seen it with someone within your life … how would you know that that could happen?" she said.

Her family's experience is not an outlier. A KPMG report on the superannuation gap found that women aged 55-59 had, on average, 33 percent less superannuation than men, while women aged 60-64 had 28 percent less.

Dr March explained that much of this gap was due to the time women took off work for caring responsibilities, a sacrifice that significantly reduced their superannuation.

"Because they had a man who controlled the finances, they didn't have a career, they left the workforce," she said.

"And so this very cohort of women who had men who were promising to take care of them are now left in our largest growing homeless cohort that we see in Australia."